Luigi The Lion Cat is Great Chef
It was a regular day, with sun shining and birds chirping and Luigi The Lion Cat sitting by the window observing all the life in the backyard as it went about its day. The squirrels scurried and collected their nuts, the birds chirped and searched for tasty bugs, and Luigi felt a tingle in his tummy. He was a hungry cat, in need of food and that by itself was no strange occurrence but today Luigi had found himself without any humans and their delicious offerings of canned food.
“Meow, where are those humans when I need them,” thought Luigi to himself. “I am a Lion Cat, I am a hunter, but they lock me away from all my tasty prey! I would tear them into pieces were it not for what they give instead: all those tasty treats and food in cans and tuna cakes. But now there are no humans and my tummy’s rumblings are making me angry!”
Luigi left his favorite window with his favorite view and began to think of solutions to his problem.
“Hmm, I’m letting my belly cloud my thoughts. I am Luigi the Lion Cat! I don’t need humans, they need me! I have watched them make food so many times, surely I can do the same. In fact, I could make something even tastier with my keener nose and my greater cat taste!”
Luigi ran into the kitchen and began to shift through all the items, looking for things to mix together. He couldn’t read the human language but with his sharp cat ears he had heard the names of many things that sounded like they would belong in his great cat-made-meal.
“Yes, I must include this spice, something called Pawprika must surely be suited to my palette! And here, some fish which is the greatest prey of all, and it is so purrrrfect for me that they call it CATfish! And this black stuff, and some of this red paste, and maybe a little pawful of these yellow things!”
Luigi was a natural chef, or so he thought. His mix of fish and spice, tomato sauce and m&m’s began to fuse into something else as he blended it with his sharp claws.
“Mmm, this will be the greatest meal of all, and the humans will be in awe of me!”
Satisfied with his concoction, Luigi took a big whiff. “Oh, I cannot wait to eat so I will not!”
Luigi opened his mouth as wide as he could and plunged his whole face into the meal.
“AAAaaaaaahahaahckckc! What is this?! This is a travesty! This is grotesque!”
Luigi jumped away and began coughing and spitting out all he could.
“How could this happen, that tasted terrible! But I did everything right! None of this makes sense!”
Luigi’s tongue had been assaulted, but even worse, his ego had been injured.
“Am I not as great as I once thought?” Luigi pondered.
“No, I am Luigi the Lion Cat, greatness flows in my veins! This simply was a small mistake. The humans use odd things to make their food, and their tastes are so dull they do not know that they are eating trash.”
Just then, Luigi heard keys entering locks, and the door to the house was opened. His humans had come home!
“Meow meow meow meow!” Luigi demanded to the humans. His cat mom went to the cupboard and pulled out some canned food. As soon as it was on a plate, Luigi dived in and gulped it down as if he’d never had anything so tasty in his life.
“Mmmmmmmmeow, so good. If nothing else, at least these humans know how to make a meal fit for a cat.”
“Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, the sound of satisfaction could be heard from the Lion Cat, and he was happy.