Luigi The Lion Cat Wants To Be An Actor
It was another lazy summer day and Luigi The Lion Cat was lounging around. To pass the time, Luigi had begun to watch television. “Meow, the stuff they play during the day is a bland repetitive mess. Why do they save all the good stuff for the evening when everyone’s home and you can’t watch your shows in peace?” Luigi thought to himself, only half paying attention to the crime procedural playing on the television nearby. “Cable belongs in the litterbox,” Luigi meowed as he reached a paw out to the remote, “let’s see what’s on Netflix since there’s nothing…” Luigi stopped, staring at the screen.
A commercial had begun to play, and in it was a fluffy orange cat running around, looking for its bowl of food. The cat ran back and forth, and eventually found its food and began eating, with the logo for the food appearing on the screen. Luigi was fired up, his mind racing. “Hey, I eat that food meow! That stuff is great, why does this orange fool look so bored and depleted when he eats it? No self-respecting cat is going to want to buy this brand when they see this amateur associated with it. Meow if that were me on the television they wouldn’t be able to keep up with the sales!”
And so Luigi had an idea, a new goal in his life: he was going to become an actor. “Of course this is what I must do meow, how did I not think of it before? Talent for performance is within the fiber of my being: after all you cannot spell ACT without CAT! I Luigi the Lion Cat am the greatest cat, and so too shall I be the greatest cat actor the world has ever seen!”
He went online and found out what he’d need to do to get started. First, he took the camera and lighting equipment his humans owned and set them up to take pictures of himself. Reviewing the footage, Luigi was excited. “Oh the camera, what a divine device, it gazes upon me with its big black eye and the beauty of my fluff is preserved better than by any stroke of brush. Perhaps I may consider modeling after this meow!”
After the pictures were ready, Luigi The Lion Cat went online and made an account on a website to submit himself for roles. There were many options available, roles in theater performances and short films, commercials and internet media. “I think it’s best if I start with commercials for meow, I don’t want to blow them all away too quickly and I want to milk this Hollywood career ahead of me nice and slow for maximum tuna cake money. If I play my cards right, I might even be able to pay to send Rocky to Europe and get a nice big ocean of deadly water between us!”
Excited about the potential of his future in show business, Luigi submitted himself for roles in every commercial he found on the site, and then left to take a nap while waiting for responses. Days passed and Luigi’s hope began to falter, but before he could doubt himself, he received an invitation to audition! “Oh meow meow meow what fantastic news, I was beginning to think all these casting people couldn’t see gold right in front of them!” Luigi The Lion Cat began to study his lines and what he’d need to do in the audition.
A few days later his audition was set and Luigi managed to sneak out of the house in time for it. Thankfully the address where they were holding the auditions was nearby and not a long run for Luigi. Once inside the building, Luigi was surprised to find a room full of other cats with big fluffy fur. Some looked nervous, others just sat with an empty hopeless look on their face, while a few seemed quite confident with themselves. Luigi paid no attention to them and focused on how he imagined his audition was going to go. “It will be a marvel to behold, and so all of these poor fools in this room are wasting their time but I must not crush their spirit. An A-lister-to-be like me must be come across as humble in the beginning of their career.” Luigi thought to himself, waiting for his name to be called. And then it was, and Luigi marched himself into the room with the casting people.
The room was dark, and the people in charge of casting sat in the shadows. They were shadows in the dark but Luigi could feel their gaze upon him. He spoke first: “Hello! I am Luigi the Lion Cat and I-“ but then one of the shadows yelled out “ACTION!” and Luigi was startled. Luigi stared at the shadows in silence. Being interrupted so suddenly threw Luigi off of his planned routine and his mind was blank as he struggled to remember what he was supposed to say. Seconds passed, and just as the first word began to form in Luigi’s mind, the shadow yelled “CUT!” and Luigi was thrown off once more. “Meow I’m sorry could I try-“ Luigi began to ask but was again interrupted by one of the other shadows: “Thank you very much we’ll call you by the end of the day if you’re chosen have a great day! NEXT!” Luigi felt embarrassed and shuffled out of the room.
Outside, Luigi entered a daze and was lost in his thoughts: “What the meow was that? That’s not how it’s supposed to go. It was supposed to be love at first sight, not indifference in the dark!” With his mind working over what had occurred, the lion cat found his way back home and laid down near the phone, waiting. The call never came.
The next day Luigi was again sitting in front of the television, but now in a sad mood. His cat mom saw him and came over. She turned Luigi over on his back and gave him a belly rub, then stroked his back and scratched his ears. In moments, Luigi’s sadness melted away. “Meeeeoooowwww, now this is the star treatment! Who needs Hollywood when I’ve already got such great fans!” Luigi thought to himself as he closed his eyes and purred.